I struggle with anxiety and then from the anxiety, depression. It started when I was in college, although I am realizing I have been pretty anxious and careful my whole life. I currently take medicine, go to therapy, and do yoga to help manage my anxiety. This journey to parenthood has wreaked havoc on my anxiety and has definitely made things worse. I become very frustrated with myself for struggling and it’s another issue between me and my body. However, I endure… I remain… I keep fighting. Through therapy and self reflection, I have realized how strong I am. How I can work through my fears and I can see/understand why they are there.
Anywho, this adoption process has played perfectly (In a perfect storm way) into my limiting beliefs/people pleasing deep seated anxieties. The lack of control and need to please (the home study process, adoption all about us book, etc) haunt me daily. But, as I said before, I endure, I fight, I grow.
Why I bring this all up is because I had a difficult conversation with a friend last week about my struggles with anxiety. This particular friend had a child over a year ago (naturally, of course) and had some struggles with postpartum depression/anxiety. When we were catching up on the phone, she told me that maybe it’s a good thing that I never got pregnant, because it might be too much for my anxiety to handle. I know she was trying to be helpful, but it ended up hurting my feelings, even thought that was not her intent! My anxiety does not define me, I fight it everyday but the key is that I fight! If I was able to conceive naturally, I know there would be a chance of postpardum, but I have a great therapist and psychiatrist and support system to support me! I told my friend that her comments hurt my feelings and she apologized and we moved on. I was proud of myself that I was able to stand up for my feelings and able to speak my truth. I was proud of my friend because she didn’t turn it into anything more than it was: she apologized, said she understood and we moved on.
In my opinion, it is rarely welcomed to say that a struggle someone is in the midst of was “meant to be” or “better this way”. Listen to them, empathize with them, and just sit with their pain.
Love and light,