One of my favorite quotes (and future tattoo) has been about the arrow.  “An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward.  When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means its going to launch you into something great.”  I have no idea who said this quote, but it has always resonated with me.  Today, a friend and I went to “church” and the words spoken by the reverend continued to elaborate on this theme.  I put quotations around church, because it is not a traditional religious church, but more of a spiritual community.  Today was our second time attending services.  The service spoke of trust in the universe and that often times struggle is what pushes us to our next level.  This TTC journey has obviously been a struggle for me.  It has changed me.  It has brought up and intensified past issues/anxieties, as well as, given me a serious case of FOMO.  My past self would not want to acknowledge the struggle, telling myself that I was fine, that everything would work out, that if I could just think positive thoughts-this IVF cycle would work, the drop in baby’s heartbeat would fix it self (it didn’t), I will produce so many eggs (I didn’t), etc.  While I see the value in positive thinking, it also undercuts my authentic self by hiding my true emotions and only leads to me feeling more crappy.  Through my yoga practice, meditation, and today’s service, I am seeing how important it is to acknowledge my current feelings and embrace my authentic self.  Yes, I am struggling. Yes, I feel crappy/jealous/sad/scared/mad.  But perhaps this struggle is bringing me to my best and truest version of myself.  My goal this year is to let go and to trust in the universe.  There are times when I want to give up and stop our struggle. To quit the IVF/Adoption process and just pretend that it will all work out.  But then I might miss my miracle. “[Don’t] quit before the miracle happens, and there might just be more than one miracle.”(-Regina Brett).  I am *****trying to******let go and find out what my miracle will be and listen to what god/the universe have in store for me and my family.  In the meantime, I am going to continue to struggle and do my best to trust the universe.  The struggle is real….. but so is the beauty of finding/exploring your authentic self.  Namaste.

Arrow, Left, Up, Black, Silhouette